Look Out For My Fist

I struggle to stop the shaking that has taken hold,
My anger radiates far for such miseries untold,
I have been lectured to once and once again,
This is not a story to tell just friends,
I hold tight to the things I cannot forget
and you can't remember, so just please just let
me stew in hatred and filth because I'll never change.

Between You and Me

It's not often that I have nothing to say,
I look for words and ways to express,
I grasp and I write but I can't find the way,
Nothing I can say will make you hurt less.
I look for paths to announce truth and hurt,
Your hurt, my hurt, there is honesty in suffering,
But black and white the words provide no comfort,
Emotions are useful, without them words are nothing.
Still, here I am and I can't understand,
Why things happen and life isn't fair,
So the words I pour out don't lend a hand,
But in them I want to show that I truly care.
I care about you and what your life has brought,
I care about you and what you dream,
There is nothing I can say that you'll never be taught,
And everything happens exactly as it seems.
Maybe it's good that I am finally silent,
Life is a struggle and in it you're not alone,
So instead of wasting time bemoaning what's violent,
I'll put down the pen and call you on the phone.

Bruised and Scarred

She said I didn't know pain,
But she couldn't even remember her own name,
The words I held back tumbled deep,
Tearing me inside with no relief.
Oh, I know pain,
Pain is what it feels like when you do it all,
Hold it together and try to let nothing fall,
Build everyone up while you feel so small.
Pain is what it feels like when your insides smolder,
Maybe she knew but I thought I told her
That I cannot keep being strong enough for everyone,
It is coming soon that I am almost done.
Flickering in pain that leaves you gasping,
Pain is what punches you in the stomach, grasping
your heart through your throat and pulling it through,
You thought you knew me but I'm the one who knows you.
I know that she seeks to hurt to get what she wants,
And hurt she does despite what I put up front,
My walls are crumbling with no support,
People tell me I'm strong but I'm nothing of the sort.
Oh, I know pain,
I know what it is like to feel worthless,
Because she tells me I'm a mess,
I know what it is like to feel alone,
Because there is no heart in my home,
I know what it is like to feel bitter,
Because I just can't forgive her,
I know what it is like to be angry,
Because I have been lied to again and again,
Oh, I know pain.
She said to me to go fuck myself and the white horse
I rode in on, but stupid me again I felt pain course
through and through with no end in sight,
I've got nothing left in me to fight.
I've always done it all,
Outside perfect with inside a pitfall,
Uneasy when things are going well,
Because just when I thought it was good she fell.
Oh, I know pain.

Maybe we were all just one of the same,
together and apart we had no shame,
if we could do it all over would I still be sane,
tear me apart and give me a new name.
The words on your lips and mine as well,
together and apart toward Hell we fell,
tomorrow is no more with life in a cell,
tear me apart and see I've nothing to tell.
Maybe it happened that we were all one,
together and apart the differences were none,
today we'll all face the barrel of a smoking gun,
tear me apart and see that I am done.

Lacking

The other night I dreamt of you,
The image was unclear and true,
I was always unable to pin you down,
There is no firm memory to be found.
Wisps of conversation filter through,
Unable to stick to any lasting place that grew
out of love for you and hate too,
I wish I could remember you.
I lay awake with the bitter dregs,
Of what was and what I cannot peg
down or to you as I thought you were,
Maybe it was always connected to me or her.
Her as in me or who I once was,
When I dreamt of you it was us because
me without you was never as clear,
As us together, as us in my thoughts here.
The other night I dreamt of you,
But really I dreamt about us and few
other things crossed my mind,
Than the thought that you left me behind.

The Teddy Bear

Take me home, take me home,
The button eyes pleaded from the window,
Seeking a friend in all that passed,
I'll stay with you forever the eyes said.
Soft and cuddly it soon was bought,
Into the arms of a child held close,
Best of friends and never apart,
Together forever they would be.
But with all the smiles it gave,
Forever was not to be,
Changing hands countless times,
A little more wear with each passing.
Oh the stories I could tell it thought silently,
It's left paw was dragging behind,
The sole of a beaten sneaker of a young boy,
Oh the stories I could tell.
The boy held his best friend close,
It was the only family he had,
Though he could not keep himself clean or full
of food or love he kept his best friend close.
The soft fur, torn and falling apart,
Has seen and soaked up many tears,
From those that have nothing but
the expectation of another lonely day.
The boy and his best friend sit on the corner,
Of a bustling downtown street,
Big eyes, dull eyes, of both pleading silently,
Take me home, take me home,
I'll stay with you forever.
Eyes slid by without a second glance,
People scurried to avoid the boy and the emotions
he brought forth in them and the guilt,
Take me home he silently cried.
Can't you see that he needs you the button eyes pleaded,
Unceasing in its stare it was held tight
to the drawn chest of the young boy.
I'll stay with you forever thought the teddy bear,
Even if forever is such a short time.

To you but not to you; to me; to you in me.

To us, as one and together, to us apart,
I will always remember you as you are,
Right now and yesterday,
Tomorrow for certain,
Even if I never see your face again,
I will recall it clearly in mind,
The last thing I may see,
Will be your smiling eyes,
Staring, staring at me.
To us, by your side, to you by mine,
To two as one and never one without the other,
I will see you as yourself truly,
But also as me,
Because there I am mirrored,
I have never seen myself more clearly,
Than when I saw you seeing me.
To us, being the question, being the answer.