We All Roll Along

We're all fine and you're still mine,
Though maybe this is the end of calling it pretend,
You say you want change and I say you have lost hope
of coming in range.
Really.
My soul is twisted,
So is my fist and the thought that you're first on my list,
Keeps me moving forward despite all the things I heard,
Some things--they never change.

Yeah You'll Be A Part of Me

It seems as if I am alone now,
Walking up the stairs,
I realized I had no one-
because the one I always talked to was you.
Wiping salty tears off my cheek,
I listen to you tell me it is all my fault,
The real you died a long time ago,
Alcohol has twisted up up and pulled you apart.
I remember your smiles,
Cuddled close to your heart,
That was how it used to be,
All I hear now is the constant yelling.
This cannot be the end,
Stomach churning and chest heaving,
I mourn for what has been lost,
Your self respect and my last shred of innocence,
I am worth more than you said I am.

Two-Sided

Trust me.
Why?
I will never end up like you,
I'm better than you think,
wrapped up in sorrows.
I dream of more than sadness.
My darkest night has faded fast,
Maybe that is true of you but,
while yours seems to just be beginning.
I have not succumbed to darkness.

Second Time Around

Amber liquid splashing,
hastily poured and unmindful of where it goes,
as long as it ends with two things-
burning down your throat as it alleviates you from thought.

Be mindful of the bottom.

You seem to think that happiness,
fleeting or full,
is found at the end of a wine bottle,
and another, and another.

I am drowning in your sorrow.

Loving you was not enough,
you had to constantly numb yourself,
from stupid and unnecessary pain,
leaving others (me) to clean you up in your dripping wake.

You will not find happiness with a bottle.

Empty promises were given time and time again,
I forgave you the blackouts,
I forgave you for being a sobbing mess,
but I still cannot forgive you for telling me I am worthless.

Be mindful of the bottom.

With every drop that you consumed,
you sought to gain happiness and forgetfulness,
and instead every gulp represents someone that despises you now.
I'm sorry to say that I am still one of them.

Fuck You.

I Will Never Believe In Anything Again

Such a pretty face.
That is all I ever hear,
paired with a heavy heart,
facing the mirror--
I hope it swallows me up.
Pinch here and another there,
maybe if I grab hard enough,
the flaws will shrink.
My eyes have deviated
"from what makes me beautful"
and is instead comparing,
constantly comparing,
myself to all the girls I am surrounded by.
How can I compete?
I constantly batter myself,
day and night,
telling myself I will change.
All I am left with is-
an emaciated self worth
and an obese self image-
besides the hatred I have for myself.
The tears do not seem to end,
as I want my mind to lie to me,
in a way that my eyes cannot.

Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks

The night is too harsh,
The stars have gone dark,
Shadows and monsters are marked,
There is nothing left but to run away,
Footsteps fade, they just can't stay,
All the creepy things have come out to play.

Blurb

Singing along to the sounds of the city,
Trying to make the world so much clearer,
It does not really matter if no one can hear,
I am drowning myself with sober thinking.